It was the end of summer 2021. I had just moved all my stuff into storage and was sitting in Mount Shasta without a living situation. I figured if I’m going to be sleeping in my car I might as well go on a road trip.
It’s a long story how I ended up at this crossroad, but I was determined not to let it get me down. Between the pandemic, the heavy smoke from the fires of northern California, and my own personal problems I needed a break of some sort. I figured if I could just have a month alone on the road it would maybe do my mental health some good.
First stop was to buy a road atlas of the South West. I circled some locations on the map like Joshua Tree, Sedona, Taos, and the rocky mountains of Sangre de Cristo range in New Mexico. I crossed out all the interstate highways and highlighted the old two lane black tops from a time once when instead.
For long periods of time through out this roadtrip I was the only car on the road. Taking in all the wide open spaces of the vast landscapes while Peter Gabriel’s Secret World Live played in the car on repeat. I still get a chill when I picture myself driving tears running down my cheeks, singing at the top of my lungs “In Your Eyes” with the windows rolled down and the wind in my face.
I’ll spare laying out the whole trip in detail for you, but I will share what I have scribbled down in my field notes, a few recordings I was able to capture and this expired roll of fuji film that I just got developed.
————————————————Joshua Tree -————————————————
The Rim of the World drive was ok… drove by the lakes up there and stopped off for a coffee and a cheap donut in a tiny town just past Lake Arrowhead.
Got into Joshua Tree at around 1pm and already I’m in love with this place! Only paid for one night which I kind of regret, but the days are long and I’ll just have to make the most of it with plans to come back another time.
Managed to walk a couple of trails and record some black birds who had claimed a small mountain of gigantic rocks as their castle.
Came across some mountain goats and found myself in a moment watching them drink from a large puddle that I assume was once a body of water. It’s funny how a small moment like this ended up being something worth writing down. Maybe it’s that I never hung out with goats before or maybe it’s that my anxieties have finally taken a chill pill, and watching/being with them was putting my mind at ease. I swear for a second when one of the goats and I locked eyes we had some sort of exchange or communication. What about, who knows maybe it’s all in my head, but it felt like an act of kindness.
I came across some drawings on a rock with a view. I haven’t a clue how old they are but they didn’t feel like your average wall drawing of the 21st century. I’m hoping to see more of this when I get to New Mexico.
As the sun started to set I sat on a rock watching the landscape transition from that bright golden orange to those soft pinks and purples. Listening to the stillness of the land as the insects started in with their mating calls.
I should really stay another night.
———————————————Petrified Forest————————————————
The Petrified Forest was a complete surprise and what I was hoping for without planning things. I only noticed it from a sign on the road saying it was coming up in the next 20 miles. The timing was perfect, I had only been driving for a bit and a little detour wasn’t going to take me off course. The guy at the gate said to enjoy myself, but don’t take any petrified wood. Of course I did though. It was only one tiny piece out of the millions of pieces that were out there (I’m sure everyone says that to themselves). I felt bad for a second and then let myself off the hook.
To this day I still keep that little stone in the center conceal of my car.
-Arizona-
Long ass drive today. Was going to see about breaking this part up, but when I drove through the area I was planning on stopping at, my gut said to keep on going.
Past an old gas station turned art piece that was covered from head to toe in old shoes. A few large bushes filled (I mean FILLED) with masks with a painted board saying “De-Mask America”. Made me wonder how these road side attractions get started?
Evening time - I had finally made it to the drive I was waiting for, 89a. A winding road through the red wall canyons of Arizona between Flagstaff and Sedona. Each turn yielded jaw dropping views which made it difficult to pay attention to the road. On the map it said there were plenty of campsite all along the drive. So I felt confident that I could pull over at any one of them.
First camp spot called Pine Grove was full. Second spot, Cave Springs…. Full. Third spot, Full. Fourth spot, FULL.
Fuck!
Now I’m in Sedona, where I pulled over to start weighing some options. Maybe I can splurge for a hotel…? Called two different places and they both said the cheapest they could do is $300 a night. Screw that!
Plan C, I started looking for some disperse camping spots in the area. I found one, but it meant that I would have to back track back up the 89a towards Flagstaff. This was not pumping me up, but I was in a pinch and it was getting dark. Just before the sun was fully gone I was able to pull into a small campsite off a dirt road. I guess this area is used by people making trails with their ATV’s. The major interstate that I had been avoiding was literally right next to me. I basically made a bed in my car and crashed.
Woke up to the loud and obnoxious sounds of cars whooshing by at 80mph. I also needed to take a dump, another thing I didn’t plan out when disperse camping. As I hovered over the hole I just dug trying not to shit on myself I started to notice that there wasn’t a single bird singing in the forest. Actually the whole forest had no sign of life. No squires, no deer, no birds, I didn’t even hear any insects. All you could hear was that god forsaken interstate.
Back on the 89a heading south to Sedona again. All the camp sites were still full. I was starting to feel foolish for not planning just a little on this trip. It’s a Friday and of course this place is popular, what was I thinking.
To get my mind off of where I was going to sleep next I decided to make the best of the beautiful day and go for a hike. I payed the entrance fee of $11 for the West Folk trail. A six mile hike that weaved its way through the canyon of the lush green Coconino Forest. I immediately let go of all my worries and enjoyed the lovely sounds of the fresh water creek that was crossing the path every hundred yards or so. Looking up at the great red walls like skyscrapers in a city I just felt grateful to be there. I appreciated the quiet walkers and would do my best to get ahead of the loud ones, but eventually I embraced it. Even started to do little audio recordings of people passing by. Most said Hello and good morning.
West Fork Trail Coconino Forest
Back at the car and not quite afternoon yet. I still needed to figure out this camping thing. With my eyes closed I kept saying over and over “I want to stay here”.
Opened up google maps on the phone and started zooming in with my two fingers on the screen. All of a sudden a place popped up from one of my zoom ins called Camp Avalon!?!
Immediately tapped on it, set the directions and was on route, 15 minutes away.
When I rolled up to the place there was a sign with a number to text. I sat there in my car and thought for a second. Before I do that I’m going to poke around here a little bit. Came across another sign…
Our Spiritual Nature Retreat welcomes all groups, families, & individuals seeking to enjoy our scared land.
Ok, I’m down with that. Right then a Latina woman came out with one hand to her brow shading her eyes from the sun asking if I had a reservation?
I told her no. She then said to me “we prefer for people to book online but if you want to go and find a spot you can pay up with us later.
To my excitement I said “wait, you guys have spots available?”
she nodded with a smile and said “Yes we do”
With my new luck and excitement I hopped back into my car and headed for the back of the property. Came across a site labeled #33 (one of my favorite numbers). It was tucked away from the others and had a good amount of shade. I stopped for a second to write down this little poem.
When you surrender to the road
you will see it’s blessings
Trying to see everything
you will see nothing
Let go,
and see what’s in front of you
Everything.
I set up my tent with a very cozy sleeping arrangement made up of a padded mat, a down comforter and my pillow. I started walking back to the entrance when I came across a heavy set man in a supped up golf cart. He pulled along side me and introduced himself as Hans. He looked like a long lost cousin of the Dude from the Big Lebowski.
“You the one looking for a site?” he asked
“yes, I just set up over there at number thirty three”
“Ahh yeah, that’s a good one! Well it’s nice to meet you, feel free to stay as long as you like. We charge $35 a night, but we are donation base. So if you are in a pinch just pay what you can, but don’t worry about that now we can settle up when you leave.”
I thanked him with all my heart. Briefly told him about my journey from Mount Shasta to here and how I was starting to second guess my trip by not planning a place to stay until I came across Camp Avalon.
He smiled and said “We get that a lot, enjoy your stay and rest easy” then he drove off leaving tire tracks in that beautiful bright red dirt of Arizona.
Going to skip ahead now theres just to much to share, maybe I’ll write more about this trip another time. But I’ll leave you with a lovely encounter with a lady at a book store named A in Moab Utah.
- Moab-
When I first walked in I immediately asked the lady who worked there if she knew of any dispersed camping spots in the area. Once again I was in a place without a plan and running out of day light. She shook her head no. I don’t remember what I said but I was sharing with her my travels so far and how I was letting chance or faint decide what’s going to happen next. She was wearing a mask which accentuated her beautiful eyes. My heart melted whenever those eyes locked with mine and I could see them smiling as I talked in my animated way. All I wanted to do was to keep those eyes smiling, but I needed to play it cool and there’s no better way to do that than looking at the poetry section.
To my surprise the shelf was full of hundreds of small staple-bound books in plastic outer sleeves. The collector in me knew this was a goldmine. I popped my head up from the poetry section and asked the lady with the striking eyes if these books of poems were part of a collection. She said they were, that recently a gentleman had passed away and wanted the collection to go to their book store. I thought to myself, wow this is incredible. If I could I would have bought all of them, but sadly I didn’t have the money nor did I want a collection of things again (another long story).
Instead I told myself that I would pick out just one as a keep sake of this part of the trip. I took my time and looked through the entire section. I finally came across one titled Today by Lewis Warsh from 1974. It had a trippy cover of six rings with purple flames in them. As I flipped through it there was a poem about being on the road that struck an immediate cord with me. There was another about the connection and misconnection of lovers that hit me in the chest like a sledge hammer. This is the one!
I brought it up to the counter where A (the woman who worked there) was standing. I opened it up and passed her the sorrow love poem. Taking her time she read it in silence and then let out a sigh of amazement. Once again with those smiling eyes she looked at me and said “what a good find”! My heart melted.
As I left the shop and started driving out into the cuts of the Bureau of Land Management. I had the sinking feeling that I should have done or said something more to A. Like tell her that she has the most beautiful eyes in all of the South West.
Once again I pulled into a spot where I could sleep in my car just before it went completely dark. I immediately checked to see if I had time to call the book store before it closed. Luckily I had one bar of signal on my phone and thirty minutes left before the store closed.
Ring, ring, Hello (so and so) book shop, A speaking.
“A! It’s Sean, I made it to the dispersed camping spot.”
I could hear that smile through the phone as she said “Good, I’m glad”
I told her that I feared that I would never see her again and that I wasn’t ready for that to happen quite yet.
She said “You can come by tomorrow, I’ll be here working”
With a heavy heart I told her that tomorrow was no good and that I was heading home. I feel the best thing we can do is exchange numbers and hold onto this moment a little longer over the phone. She agreed and I described how beautiful the sunset was when I was thinking about her in the car ride out. After about twenty minutes she thanked me for calling and we said our goodbyes. I lied there in the backseat of my car fantasizing about seeing her one last time as the winds of the desert wiped around my car.
Sadly I texted her a day later with no reply, maybe it’s for the best.
So beautiful
A+
...the timing was perfect